Me on the first 5.10b climb I’ve ever sent. (Sent is to climb a climb without falling). One of the high moments of my life where I felt I acted as a warrior. 📸 by Clinton Leung

When talking to my friends and colleagues, I’m often asked to define what I mean by warriorship. Often, they think I’m talking about rock climbing training. They think warrioriship is rooted in physical strength. However, you can be physically strong and still not be practicing warriorship. Warriorship is a mental practice, not a physical one. We can frame warriorship as engaging with the unknowns in life with impeccability. We often think of warriorship in the sense of war because soldiers would benefit from practicing warriorship. If a soldier approaches the battle field, which is always unknown, with poise and expertise, and if they act impeccably, they increase their chance of survival. These concepts require some unpacking. We have to define the concept of the unknowns as it relates to the challenges we face in our lives and we must explore what it means to act impeccably and how to act impeccably when we venture into the unknown.

The unknown is anything that is outside of what we consider our daily lives, anything that is uncomfortable. If you conjure up the feeling of learning something new, like riding a bike you know the feeling of the unknown becomes familiar. When you first get on the wild metal contraption it takes all your focus to keep from falling over or crashing into things. This can bring up feelings of fear and uncertainty as it’s unfamiliar--unknown--to you. When I mention that I climb outside to non-climbers they always say “oh you must be so brave, I could never do that.” The truth is, I once thought the same. I thought climbing was “too extreme”. Once I realized that I wanted to climb, and I wanted to get good at it, I started to make plans to venture into the unknown to learn how to rock climb. I did this by slowly exposing myself to situations that were uncomfortable but not completely terrifying. My process for expanding my comfort zone follows this formula:

1. Understand your comfort zone

2. Define the fears and discomforts outside your comfort zone

3. Make a plan to push on one of those fears or discomforts with a small step outside your comfort zone

4. Commit to the plan and execute

5. Reflect on the effects of pushing those boundaries

6. Repeat

Okay so maybe there were a few moments where I found myself pretty terrified.

If you think of your comfort zones as a set of concentric rings, the innermost ring is the known, this is your comfort zone.

Let's continue with the learning to ride a bike scenario. When you start learning, you probably try to use something like training wheels, getting on the tall metal frame with it's large wheels and it's slightly unbalanced nature feels uncomfortable but not completely dangerous, this is the area of the unknown, or as I fondly call it the "learning" zone. It's good to push into this zone because this is where we discover new things about ourselves and can expand this comfort zone. When venturing into the unknown, we often have to accidentally go past the learning zone into the "fear" zone to discover the boundaries of the "learning" zone. You can imagine the feeling of fear when you first go down a steep hill even with training wheels, or even being out of control. If you find yourself feeling completely out of control you've pushed too far. The sweet spot, the learning zone, can be hard to find.

A few things will be obvious to you if you're in the "fear" zone. You will be afraid -- not nervous -- you will feel like you can't handle it and you're in way over your head. Sometimes, it may even feel as if you just desperately need to get out of the situation that you're in. This is a dangerous spot. This is often what happens when people are "thrown into the deep end". It's actually a terrible way to learn because you are no longer able to observe what is going on while you're trying something outside your comfort zone. Your brain is in survival mode and will just be happy to have made it through it.

While I was learning to climb, I was lucky enough to be able to learn outside on top rope with an experienced climber to guide me. Having a guide or coach is often a great way of creating your training wheels to get into the learning zone. However, being in the “learning zone” isn’t enough.

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Climbing "Center of The Universe", a climb well above my ability but I'm on top rope, so I'm still within the "Learning Zone".

The second part of expanding your comfort zone is to enter into the unknown with impeccability. Impeccability is explored extensively in warriorship literature (links included at the end of the post). The first simple step to move towards impeccability is to set your intentions for going into the learning zone. The second part is defining your fears and taking account of the real risks. This requires absolute honesty with yourself about your abilities and realities. This can be a huge hurdle, but it’s crucial. It’s important though to only focus on one thing each time you go into the “learning zone”, otherwise you will not be able to commit entirely to the experience and you will not be able to act impeccably. You’ll be stuck in your head trying to juggle your attention between each area of focus. Keep a high level of awareness of your actions and the results. This will allow you to repeat and test new things out in your area of focus. For instance, it’s often wise to tell a new climber to focus on their footwork while they are climbing and give them no other advice. Sure, there’s more that they could improve on, but it’s important that they focus on one thing while they’re venturing out of their comfort zone--flat land-- to a learning zone--a vertical wall with a top rope for safety.

Then the last part--the fun part--is to actually engage with the unknown. Get on the wall and focus on the intention you set for your session. Now is the time for action and not thought. For instance if you're focused on your foot work, try your best to ignore the fear of falling, let it go and feel it and don't let it linger, bring your attention back to your feet. It is also powerful to pair this with mindfulness practice, as it gives you a way to hone these skills while not in the arena of the unknown. The combination bringing focus on your intention is where the ability to act impeccably lies.

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Once your session of engaging with the unknown is done, debrief with yourself. What went well? What went poorly? What can you try different the next time you engage with the unknown? You can see how these questions and this pattern of learning and self improvement can apply to other areas of life. Work, life, relationships: these are all places we want to improve, and all places in which we must engage with the unknown. So I encourage you to go and be a warrior, and engage with life impeccably.

I plan to write more on warriorship as I continue engaging with my fears both in climbing, and in my work.

A special thanks to Duretti for being a great writing coach and an even more amazing friend. 💜

Warriorship Literature

A great digest of the warriorship literature can be found in The Craft of The Warrior by Robert L Spencer

Another great intro to warriorship teachings in long story form can be had in both audiobook and text via The Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman.

The flood of posts looking back on the past year inspired me to write one of my own. It won't be that cohesive as I didn't start this year with any particular goals. I tend to focus on the next goal at hand which often does not line up with the calendar year.

I think the unintentional theme of this past year as been independence. As someone who has some codependent tendencies I had to do a lot of work to feel comfortable in situations where I was operating solo. I still took many trips with my partner Spang but there were some key trips I took without her that helped clarify some of my internal struggles.

100 Trad pitches

The one thing that became a huge focus for me this year was climbing. I realized a huge weakness for me in climbing was feeling dependent on my climbing crew who are stronger climbers than I am. I tend to let them take the lead on trips and I realized this felt restrictive and was hindering my growth as a climber. This lead me to set a mileage goal for lead climbing. I set out to lead 100 trad pitches by the end of the year. This would shape my year in a huge way. I was shy of the target by 5 pitches due to the quick onset of winter and a sense that the goal had accomplished it's intention; I feel confident being the leader for climbing objectives, or at the very least being an equal partner.

This shaped key moments, like I went to Smith Rock for a clinic and it pushed me farther than I could have if I was with my normal crew. I sent my first 5.10b and then sent a second climb of the same grade onsight. I've lead harder climbs but I've always fallen on them. This is the first set of climbs rated 5.10b that I climbed without falling and it was on a trip I took without my partner or crew.

Mt. Kenya

Something scary I did was traveling as queer in Kenya to climb Mt. Kenya. I have a lot of different privileges on this front but I was worried about my safety anyways. I trusted my friends to keep me safe and it worked out. I learned about when to ask for help and when to turn back, as both Spang and I suffered from altitude sickness before we could tackle the last leg of the journey to the summit. We were forced to concede defeat and retreat to a lower camp. Even without achieving the objective it was great fun to be with friends in a wild place trying something pretty absurd.

Offwidth Training Circuit

To prepare for the Keeler Needle with Spang we did an off-width training circuit including The North East Buttress of Higher Cathedral, The Steck-Salathe, Book of Job, Elevator Shaft and The Twilight Zone . This resulted in us realizing I was not fast enough to make it up our goal route on the Keeler Needle which was heartbreaking for me. It was yet another lesson on when to turn back and accept that you aren't ready yet.

Influencing Work Technical Direction

I felt like I came into my own at my new job this year. I convinced our team to make a radical change of direction for the betterment of the team and company even though it would mean I would not get to work on the technology I joined the company to learn. However, the company really didn't have a good use case for the technology and most likely never will. In the coming year I'll continue to flex this muscle. Technology is no longer the driving force for my career, instead I'm focusing on how people organize and make decisions around technology.

Built a Deck

I built a fucking deck... like one made out of wood and nails and cement. It didn't seem like a huge deal to me but I took a week off after designing specifications for a deck and making a plan for building it. It took eight ~11 hour days to get it done but it got done. It's now a fixture of our household which will be great as we continue to invite friends over for parties. However, the deck will house the massive tread wall project that I'm still working on.

KonMari Method

I started the process of going through the KonMari method and I realized the exercise of tidying through her lens was exactly what I needed at the time. It speaks to the Japanese part of me that loves origami and now I get to do it every day in a way that brings me joy. Honing that sense of joy helped me realize what was bothering me in other facets of my life. It seems cheesy but it really did bring clarity in the rest of my life.

The feeling was similar to when I realized I was trans. A sense of dread that I have to confront the big scary thing now that I realized it had been lurking in the corner the whole time. Similar to my response to understanding I was trans, it took me about a week to process it and then tackle it head on for better or worse.

Independent Trips

Indian Creek

This trip was made last minute as I was struggling to find spring climbing partners and was itching to start making some serious progress on my 100 trad pitches goal. The logistics of getting to UT last minute was a bit hectic but totally worth it. The bivy may have been a bit frosty and I may not have gotten enough sleep, but I forged new friendships and solidified old ones, and started to develop my own relationship to the climbing community outside of my regular climbing crew. It gave me a huge appreciation and love for the community I've chosen to be a part of. It was the perfect way to kick off the climbing season.

Bishop Cragging Classic

I went to the Bishop Cragging Classic solo and had a similar experience to my Indian Creek trip. This is where I learned about the climbing grief fund which I suggest you support if you're a climber or are close to a climber. Death touches our community too frequently for us to turn a blind eye to how it effects us.

Squamish

The big trip and test of the year. The majority of my lead pitches were done during this trip. I had a lot of fun when the MITOC (MIT Outdoor Club) was around but after they left I felt very alone and couldn't dig up any other climbing partners. Once again I was reminded of how lucky I am to be part of a climbing crew. This trip was laced with a lot of emotional complications and I realized that I may not actually want to move to squamish any time soon but it does hold a special place in my heart and I will always return for 2-4 weeks every once in a while. It's just so much type one fun. Next time I'll bring a bouldering pad.

Revelstoke and Rodgers Pass

Traveling to Revelstoke was my first long distance ski trip and my first time skiing in Canada. This last minute trip with Sean and Kate was a great way to kick off the ski season and stress test my ski travel tactics. It also highlighted to me that I haven't flexed my executive decision-making for backcountry trips of any sort, let alone ones that involve avalanche terrain. This winter's focus will be a lot of trip planning as well as devising a decision-making framework for myself when traveling in avalanche terrain.

Friendship

Is magic... sorry not sorry. In the same vein of tackling my co-dependent tendencies I've embraced friendships. We've thrown many house parties inviting friends over to warm our house and share a meal and conversations. I am so extremely grateful for the friend group I've found myself a part of.

Looking Ahead

In climbing I'm leaning into my next weakness: face climbing. I don't have a metric for this other than I aim to have at least 3 hard sport projects and tackle them earnestly over the next year along with general climbing mileage on face centric climbs.

For Skiing I'm focusing understanding avalanche terrain and learning how to ski powder efficiently. I've eaten it one too many times in the backcountry in deep powder which has been more dangerous than I've admitted to myself.

Theme of next year will be Think and Speak Up as I figure out how to communicate my desires to the rest of the world and in turn manifest them.